Say cheese!
Monday, December 28, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Old Men and Women
Q: Where can older people find prescription eye glasses?
A: On top of their heads.
Q: How can a woman raise the heart rate of her 65+ year old spouse?
A: She should tell him she's with child.
Q: What can an older woman do for the wrinkles on her neck?
A: Don't wear a brassiere. The additional hanging "weights" will take out the wrinkles.
Q: Do older people have problems storing their short term memories?
A: No, they have problems retrieving the memories from storage.
Q: How can older people remember where they parked their cars?
A: Use the Valet service. They have to remember where your car is.
Q: Do older people have deeper sleep?
A: They do, but normally their deep sleep happens in the afternoon.
Q: Where can guys over 65 find youthful, pretty women who are interested in dating them?
A: Look in the library-------under Romantic Fiction.
Q: What is the most often used sentence uttered by older people when they visit antique shops?
A: 'Gee, I have one of these.'
A: On top of their heads.
Q: How can a woman raise the heart rate of her 65+ year old spouse?
A: She should tell him she's with child.
Q: What can an older woman do for the wrinkles on her neck?
A: Don't wear a brassiere. The additional hanging "weights" will take out the wrinkles.
Q: Do older people have problems storing their short term memories?
A: No, they have problems retrieving the memories from storage.
Q: How can older people remember where they parked their cars?
A: Use the Valet service. They have to remember where your car is.
Q: Do older people have deeper sleep?
A: They do, but normally their deep sleep happens in the afternoon.
Q: Where can guys over 65 find youthful, pretty women who are interested in dating them?
A: Look in the library-------under Romantic Fiction.
Q: What is the most often used sentence uttered by older people when they visit antique shops?
A: 'Gee, I have one of these.'
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
World's Funniest Real Ads
Believe it or not, these ads actually found their way into newspapers all over the world:
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
Three-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat... been out while. Better be reward.
Shakespeare’s Pizza. Free chopsticks.
For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Bride and Groom
Bride: Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?
Groom: OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time. Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Bride: Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped.
Groom: Then we will have to re-imprison him.
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile.
Bride: Honey, the prisoner is out again!
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal. Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
Bride: Honey, the prisoner escaped again.
Groom: Hey, its not a life sentence, OKAY!
Groom: OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time. Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Bride: Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped.
Groom: Then we will have to re-imprison him.
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile.
Bride: Honey, the prisoner is out again!
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal. Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
Bride: Honey, the prisoner escaped again.
Groom: Hey, its not a life sentence, OKAY!
Friday, August 28, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Friday, July 31, 2009
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Riddles and Kids
A: The letter “t”.
Q: Where can everyone always find money when they look for it?
A: In the dictionary.
Q: What is the only thing you can break when you say it’s name?
A: Silence.
A: United = Untied
Q: When does a joke become a father?
A: When the catch line becomes apparent (a parent).
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
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