Spider-dumb

This would cause a great outcry to kids who idolize the ever lovable and brave Spider-man. Who would have guessed that Spidey is such a funny, dumb ass hero? And he is definitely not invincible.

Granny in Bikini

Good ol' granny still has the guts to get wet and wild!

Funny Pick Up Lines

Trying to hit on the opposite sex? Here's a list of crazy and funny pick up lines to get you started.

1. There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.

2. Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.

3. That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?

4. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

5. If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

6. If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.

7. Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you got fine-fine-fine written all over ya.

8. Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.

9. If I said you had a great body, would you hold it against me?

10. Girl, you must be tired 'cause you've been running through my mind all day!

Sneak Peek - New LOTR Film

Psycho

A killer is on the loose!

Real 911 Calls

Dispatcher: 911.
Caller: I'm having trouble breathing... I'm all out of breath.... I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No.
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.

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Dispatcher: 911. What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

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Dispatcher: 911. What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?

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Dispatcher: 911. What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one?
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am. Nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid!

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Dispatcher: 911. What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table. When I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!

Fun with Nuns

Three nuns were in the church. Two were crying and one was laughing. The priest walked up to first nun.

Priest: Why are you crying?
Nun 1: I stole a car.
Priest: Go drink from the holy water.

The first nun ran immediately to have a drink. The priest went up to the second nun.

Priest: Why are you crying?
Nun 2: I killed someone.
Priest: Go drink from the holy water.

The second nun also ran to have a drink. The priest then went to the third nun.

Priest: Why are you laughing?
Nun 3: I peed in the holy water!

Lost Dog

Anybody seen my pup? He was just in the sofa a while ago. Now he's gone!

Surprise!

Anyone Here

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell that by mistake happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet.

"Hello?" she cried, but no answer.

"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and again she yelled:

"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE!!?"

Then she heard a voice from far, far away:

"Hello! We're down here..."

Stupid Businessman

Just starting his own firm, a young businessman rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, he picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. After a couple of minutes, he finally hung up and asked the visitor.

Businessman: Can I help you?
Man: Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines.

Mastering the Art

Funny, but here are Morpheus and Neo practicing the art of... origami.