The art of peeing...
Friday, December 31, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Advantages Of Being A Woman
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. Free drinks, free dinners, free movies ... (you get the point).
5. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
6. Taxis stop for us.
7. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
8. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if we're gay.
12. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
13. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
15. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
16. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.
17. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
18. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
19. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
20. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
2. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. Free drinks, free dinners, free movies ... (you get the point).
5. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
6. Taxis stop for us.
7. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
8. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if we're gay.
12. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
13. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
15. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
16. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.
17. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
18. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
19. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
20. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
More Funny Pick-Up Lines
Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
Are you a parking ticket? You got fine written all over you.
Are you a tamale? 'Cause you're hot.
Baby did you fart, 'cause you blow me away!
Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call fine print.
Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business.
Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
Did you have Campbell's soup today? Because you're lookin' mmm... mmm... good!
Do you know karate? 'Cause your body is really kickin'.
Does Levi's pay you for wearing those and looking that good?
Don't walk into that building -- the sprinklers might go off!
Are you a parking ticket? You got fine written all over you.
Are you a tamale? 'Cause you're hot.
Baby did you fart, 'cause you blow me away!
Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call fine print.
Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business.
Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
Did you have Campbell's soup today? Because you're lookin' mmm... mmm... good!
Do you know karate? 'Cause your body is really kickin'.
Does Levi's pay you for wearing those and looking that good?
Don't walk into that building -- the sprinklers might go off!
Girls Night Out
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home, they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them, and threw them away. Her friend, however, was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day, the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, we'll never forget you!'
The next day, the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, we'll never forget you!'
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Poor Husband
A man who has been in prison for 10 years escapes and breaks into a house to look for money and guns. He finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
Husband: Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.
Wife: He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
Husband: Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.
Wife: He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!
Sunday, April 18, 2010
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Friday, April 9, 2010
Funny Short Jokes
There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?
The one on the range.
A horse goes into a bar and the bartender says,
The one on the range.
A horse goes into a bar and the bartender says,
"Hey buddy, why the long face?"
Q. Where do you find a one legged dog?
A. Where you left it.
Two muffins are in the oven.
One says to the other, "It's hot in here."
The other one replies, "Oh no... It's a talking muffin!"
Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat?
Cut off your head.
Q. Where do you find a one legged dog?
A. Where you left it.
Two muffins are in the oven.
One says to the other, "It's hot in here."
The other one replies, "Oh no... It's a talking muffin!"
Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat?
Cut off your head.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Insulted Woman
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
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