Sure it's fun inside...
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
The Interview
Reporter: Sir, what is the secret of your success?
Bank President: Two words.
Reporter: And, sir,what are they?
Bank President: Right decisions.
Reporter: And how do you make right decisions?
Bank President: One word.
Reporter: And, sir, what is that?
Bank President: Experience.
Reporter: And how do you get Experience?
Bank President: Two words.
Reporter: And, sir, what are they?
Bank President: Wrong decisions.
Bank President: Two words.
Reporter: And, sir,what are they?
Bank President: Right decisions.
Reporter: And how do you make right decisions?
Bank President: One word.
Reporter: And, sir, what is that?
Bank President: Experience.
Reporter: And how do you get Experience?
Bank President: Two words.
Reporter: And, sir, what are they?
Bank President: Wrong decisions.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Best Chess Player
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while.
"I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."
"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."
Friday, September 26, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
Friday, September 5, 2008
Don't Worry
The mother of a 16-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex.
Worried that her girl might become pregnant, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop them would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother talked about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother saying:
"Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Jean!"
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Friday, August 8, 2008
Two Guys and a Bear
Two buddies were camping in the woods together, sharing a tent. One morning they heard rustling outside the tent. It was then followed by a loud growl. They looked out and sure enough, it was a huge brown bear looking for food.
The first guy immediately started throwing on his clothes and running shoes. The second guy looked with astonishment.
Guy 2: What are you going to do?
Guy 1: RUN!
Guy 2: You can't outrun a bear.
Guy 1: I don't have to outrun the bear. I just have to outrun you!
The first guy immediately started throwing on his clothes and running shoes. The second guy looked with astonishment.
Guy 2: What are you going to do?
Guy 1: RUN!
Guy 2: You can't outrun a bear.
Guy 1: I don't have to outrun the bear. I just have to outrun you!
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Sunday, June 8, 2008
The Lucky Saucer
In front of a delicatessen, an art connoisseur noticed a mangy little kitten lapping up milk from a saucer. The saucer, he realized with a start, was a very rare and precious piece of pottery.
He strolled into the store and offered 20 dollars for the cat. "It's not for sale," said the proprietor.
"Look," said the collector, "that cat is dirty and probably half wild, but I'm eccentric. I like cats that way. I'll raise my offer to 100 dollars."
"It's a deal," said the proprietor, and pocketed money on the spot.
"For that sum I'm sure you won't mind throwing in the saucer," said the connoisseur. "The kitten seems so happy drinking from it."
"Nothing doing," said the proprietor firmly. "That's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold 15 cats."
Saturday, May 31, 2008
The Cowboy
A cowboy rides up to a saloon on his horse. He goes in, orders a drink, then leaves. His horse is gone. He goes back to the saloon and asks, "Where's my horse?"
No one replies. So he says, "I'll order one more drink, and then if my horse isn't outside, I'll have to do what I did in Texas and I don't like doing that."
So the locals hurry around, and when he leaves, his horse is outside.
As the stranger gets on his horse, the bartender asks, "What did you do in Texas?" to which the cowboy replies, "I had to walk home."
Sunday, May 25, 2008
The Holy One
A man who thought he was John the Baptist was disturbing the neighborhood, so for public safety, he was brought to a mental institution.
He was put in a room with another patient, and immediately began his routine, "I am John The Baptist! Jesus Christ has sent me!"
The other guy looked at him and declared, "I did not!"
He was put in a room with another patient, and immediately began his routine, "I am John The Baptist! Jesus Christ has sent me!"
The other guy looked at him and declared, "I did not!"
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
The Bravest Rat
Three rats are sitting at the bar talking and bragging about their bravery and toughness.
The first rat says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!"
The second rat says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!"
Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm off home to play with my cat."
The first rat says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!"
The second rat says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!"
Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm off home to play with my cat."
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Looking Into the Eyes
A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"
The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Valentines Gift
As Valentines day was approaching, Charlie decided to buy a special gift for his new girlfriend, Ruth. The couple had not been dating for very long, and so Charlie wanted to make sure the gift was just right. Ruth was always complaining about having cold hands, and so Charlie - after careful consideration - decided a good gift would be a nice pair of gloves.
Charlie took his sister with him to buy the gift - he wanted a woman's opinion. they found a nice pair of gloves at the store, and Charlie's sister purchased a pair of panties at the same time. Unfortunately, the sales clerk got the two items mixed up. Charlie mailed his Valentine's Day gift to Ruth, accompanied by the following note:
Dear Ruth,
I chose this Valentines Day gift as I noticed that you often don't wear any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister, I would have chosen the ones with buttons, but she prefers short ones that are much easier to remove.
These are a lovely color. The lady at the store where I bought them showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks, and they were hardly soiled at all. I had her try yours on for me and they looked quite lovely.
I wish I was there to put them on you for the first time; no doubt, other hands will come into contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow on them lightly before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Just think how many times I'll be kissing them in the future. I hope you'll wear them Friday night for me.
Love,
Charlie
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Truth Hurts
I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A half-gallon of milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A can of coffee
A package of bacon
As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
I was startled and intrigued by this proclamation since I was indeed single. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.
With curiosity getting the better of me, I retorted, "You're actually right, but how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Because you're ugly."
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Funny Tranny Superheroes
Beware of this new breed of tranny superheroes lurking around. They smell trouble!
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Sunday, February 3, 2008
The Evolution of Man
Remember Charles Darwin's theory of evolution - that man came from monkey? Guess what? Evolution doesn't stop!
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